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… Know when to leave and when to stay!
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This is greatly inspired by Dr Chris Chukwunyere’s teaching on SPIRIT & MARRIAGE.
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Looking at Genesis 1:26-29 we would see some amazing things about the creation of man. To be created in the likeness of God means to be in operation like Himself. Man is a generic term for male and female. God created man in Himself which means we are born of God. When the Spirit was hovering over the earth, it was recreation taking place in a formless earth. Why was the earth formless? That would be another topic for another day. When God said let there be light, He was speaking forth Jesus because Jesus is the word of God! This is how Jesus formed everything there is. By Him all things were made. So we clearly belong to God and we find our real definition in Him. We must understand the basics if we want to make a good headway.
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When we have a child, its not us who own the Child, the child belongs to God but comes through us! The child came from God as the Bible says “Children are gifts from God”. We all came from God. Man was already existing in God, he wasn’t in physical form until God began the process of formation. Both the male and the female were designed in God not on separate days but on the same day at the same time!
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Man and woman are equal but there is a fulfilment of purpose and destiny, there are different roles for both man and woman, we are not meant to do the same thing. People abuse the word authority by thinking they have control over the life of another. Our shapes and muscles are in proportion to what God has designed us to do. We are all men but by the virtue of our roles we are male and female. When God said ” it is not good for a man to be alone” He wasn’t actually just making reference to the male’s need for a woman, He was saying “it is not good for the male and female version of man to be in one body. They ought to be separated from one body so they can fulfill the purpose of their designs”. After God separated the female from the Male, the union can only be achieved by marriage. This is why in marriage, the man and the woman become one!
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The idea of getting married is for us to be able to fulfill destiny together. You aren’t permitted to get married if you do not know why you are here on earth. Coming together of a man and woman should be about fulfilling purpose. Marriage is a union of physical people who are spirit beings to recreate and replicate heaven in their relationship and the world they’re both meant to create together.
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God’s original intention for marriage is that two holy people comes together to carry out his purpose and plan. It is not enough to be good. Being good alone does not make marriage or relationship work. Being nice is not a fruit of the Spirit. Any man can automatically be nice to the lady he is attracted after all. So when we talk about relationship, we are talking about something more serious than just a couple deciding to walk and hold hands together! So many people today are in relationships but they do not understand what it is, that is why all that comes to their agenda is sex and outings! No real thing happening.
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Relationship starts from attraction! God implanted certain codes in us so that everyone can relate to his or her kind. This is why we don’t all like the same thing! Some like it fat, some like it short, some like it slim, some like it tall. These things aren’t terrible because they’re specs that have grown in our mind. We can’t like same type of persons because we are uniquely created. Everyone of us have our specs and that’s why we aren’t attracted to every single person because there is already a code inside of us that unlocks when we see a certain kind of people. Attraction unlocks the heart for acceptance and makes us pay attention to people. When we get attracted to people and start nurturing that attraction, we begin to become open to them. On this stage feeling builds up. Many people miss it at the point of feeling! Feeling makes you want to come together with someone who may or may not be right for you. This is where you become intentional about the choices you make.
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At the level of feelings it is dangerous to make decisions based on that feeling. Because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t find other people attractive and other people will not find you attractive! It doesn’t leave your feelings exclusively for your spouse as you may feel one or two things for another. All you need to catch feelings is attention and more attention. When we encourage people’s attraction, feelings build up. Feelings are indications that there is a decision that needs to be made. Love is a commitment to place other person’s needs above you of which feelings isn’t enough to get it implemented. Feelings is like the traffic light, it is a note saying “hey! You’ve got some serious decisions to make here”.
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This is why you must intentionally date people who are suitable for you and not just people you feel something for. If feelings should be the ultimate drive for your relationship, you will definitely be in relationship with so many people and you would even marry a lot of people. Don’t be in relationship to experiment, romantic relationships should be a headway to getting married! Its a waste of time to be in romantic relationship with people who aren’t going anywhere with you. Why waste your precious energy on them?
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I’d like to admit this has been where I had all of the major troubles in my relationship. I was in a relationship with a target of spending the rest of my life with this woman and she was in a relationship with me just to experiment and she would always say ” it’s not like am working towards marriage with you but anything that comes out of it we take” I knew this thing wasn’t working, I knew I was wasting my energy making so much relentless sacrifices! I kept giving my all doing a whole lot of things to spice things up but I kept seeing this red flags that kept warning me there was an impending danger, a disaster waiting to happen! As long as she was just in for anything that comes out, she was in for nothing… She was just there for the time being but I could always feel it that her heart was just far away.
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I found it difficult to let go. The good times, the sacrifices were all there staring at me and making it more difficult for me as I kept hoping maybe one day things would become as I wanted but I kept seeing the signs and the more I stayed the more difficult it was to go and yet the more I was hurt on daily basis.
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Marriage should be considered from the beginning of a relationship. In relationship God loves your partner through you. It will be difficult and impossible for anyone who doesn’t have the Spirit of God in them to love like God. The expression of love is greater in relationships and that is partly one of the reasons God instituted marriage!
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Having known that relationship is great! You don’t need a partner if you don’t know your purpose. Your purpose is where your partner can be of help. Its easy to know what we want about ourselves but it is not very easy to know what people want for themselves. Deciding to love someone should be an informed decision. Any relationship broken today is a result of red flags partners ignored in the past. You can get married to someone and in the next ten years you start noticing attitudes but not because they’ve been hiding it but because your subconscious mind was not triggered to know it earlier. This is why you get to know people very well before even deciding to be in a relationship with them. Relationship isn’t where you know people better, you get in relationship with people you know better.
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Habit forms character, character forms habit. You can tell where people are going with looking at their habits. When you meet a lazy person it may mean you’ll work out yourself in your relationship doing all the work because they’d be too lazy to even express their love for you. Be in relationship knowing what you can carry in faith. Faith comes when we respond to God’s word. This same faith is needed in your relationship! Relationship truly isn’t a mere secular affair, it involves the soul and when the soul is well fed with God’s word is responds accurately to love and express it accurately.
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While we have learned feeling isn’t supposed to drive our relationships, we must be careful that we don’t ignore attraction! We must still fan these feelings aflame as they ignite passion! Make sure you remain attracted to your partner!
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I’d like to say relationships can bring the biggest distraction and worry to your life when it isn’t going the way it should because your investments and sacrifices would always seem to come to naught. Yet, a lot of people find it difficult to make a headway because they are holding on to lots of things like the past glories, memories of the sacrifices they have made and fear of finding the better person. I believe knowledge empowers actions! You may have heard it before but as you keep hearing, it will empower you to take the right actions. If it is not working, it is important you let go and stop forcing it to work! For how long will you force it? You don’t even have the strength to… The moment you notice you can’t eat those shits, leave it for those who can! If you keep trying to make the shit look like honey, it may look like one but can never taste like one!
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Be informed….
Blessings!
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George O.N | @georgennad | www.georgesdiary.com.ng
#GracefulGeorge

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