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Some 8 years back before I grasp the truth of God’s word on GRACE, I was in tears. I had tried keeping all the rules to no avail, I had tried showing God how much I love him and wanted to do more for him but I just couldn’t. I still saw myself missing it all the time! I actually grew up imbibing strong morals from mum but it wasn’t enough to keep me in the rules…. By then people were already calling me Pastor, I was doing what a lot of my mates were doing. In fact, I never understood the process of sex even at the initial times we were taught reproduction in school.
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I know the first time I heard what sex really meant was in the later part of my senior secondary school when a young female class mate was having some kind of erotic discussion with a male class mate… I could remember I went home shouting to my brother “I can’t believe what I heard today about sex… I thought once you kiss a girl she gets pregnant “… That was how I initially viewed it. I even thought when you like a girl and talk so much with her you might contact HIV & AIDs. I was that ignorant and innocent then when it came to certain things.
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However, I just knew I was missing it. I was still lying, I could steal some changes too and in fact text-book pressures even pushed me to steal someone’s school fees. These things were things I hated to do, I would cry immediately after doing them promising God never to do it again but I still found myself doing them. I wished there was a way it would stop. One of those days after asking God to forgive me I also asked him to either make me stop doing those things or kill me so that I don’t find opportunity to do them again. But it didn’t work anyway. God doesn’t answer such prayers, it was a stupid prayer at its best but I was so zealous for God and I had even started ministry by then as I started preaching John 3:16 since my primary 3 after a voice asked me to go preach the word one early morning.
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One day, it was so heavy on me and I started thinking “but why is it so hard to keep the rules?” I was sure something responded to me saying “because you can’t. You just can’t…” I got scared and I got more scared thinking this would mean no one would ever make heaven! I remember I went to my 2go Status that morning to write “Dear Lord, I may never be able to keep all the rules, I may not even keep a half of it but I really truly love you and want to live for you.”
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Some years later, I came to discover God wasn’t demanding so much from me. He just wanted me to trust him and avail myself to him. He just wanted me to hand the wheels over to him, my mistakes was never a big deal, he wasn’t frowning at me, he wasn’t feeling bad… He just loved me anyhow. There was never anything I ever did that got at him, he was just smiling and saying “George my Son, I wish he would just realize who he is and start taking responsibility. I wish he can understand what I’ve done for him… He’ll grow and I know it”
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The John 3:16 I preached from childhood started making sense to me and it changed everything! Right now, knowing that God loves me and just keeps loving me has given me more reason to be strong in him and in the power of his might.
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Blessings.
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#GracefulGeorge

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