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ONCE UPON
Once upon a time, George was a lover boy!
Don’t vex… Its currently boring where I am right now and my fingers are itching to have fun with it! I want to tell you a story… About myself! Just read it and keep it a secret!
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Its funny these days when I recount what it seemed like being who I was just as I fight to overcome some certain traits I see in myself everyday.
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Some years ago…
I begged for love…
I even begged before I get cold reply to my text messages!
Chai!
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Nights were dreaded to me because in its quietness I am drown in thoughts! What thoughts? That she didn’t pick my calls, that she gave me a cold answer on phone and the most heartbreaking… She never responded to my “I love you!”
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I had a moody nature by default! I was always depressed because all my life, I’ve never had a very serious relationship! The ones I considered serious were just in pretense!
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Whatever I felt then didn’t make me happy, it made me sad and always depressed because deep down in my heart I knew I was just claiming to be committed for even those I thought I was committed to didn’t feel same way. I had an addiction then, the addiction was “being shy”. We may talk, laugh and even roll on the floor but when it came to really being serious in making it official, my addiction becomes mighty! Lol!
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The last time I thought I was in a relationship, she said “I finally got engaged. Join me to celebrate!” and we celebrated! Lol!
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I was crazy! I was an idiot! Am I right? I don’t know. But I felt something was wrong with me… My generosity had some issues. I would possible buy champagne for her and settle for a sachet of water! I would buy her anything and live in discomfort. I didn’t just fall in my feelings, I shattered in it. If you think you can be madly in love… You’ve not meet me. I have a Ph.D in love madness. I hope I have been delivered from it because its been long I tested that part of me to a large degree. If I have ever asked you out twice without any reason like business and program participation, then I had a crush on you! If I have stopped asking you out… Then, I have had a meeting with my members over your case. The fear of falling in love is the beginning happiness for me!
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Those times I thought I was crazily in love, other ladies meant little to me. I didn’t want to offend that one person by hanging out or spending time with other people… Believe me, I was not okay!
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All those things were waste of time, resources and all that! It wasn’t love… Was it really a waste of time? Perhaps it was part of my building too! It was just a craze fueled by fantasies that never existed! These days… I hope my thoughts are being realigned. Whenever I meet someone and something begins to push me to act and finish everything in a day, I tell myself
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“Hey boy… I know you too well now. You’ve gotten yourself into enough trouble already. Just calm down and know that I am in control here”
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There is this another person that creeping into my head… Hmm! Story for another day!
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Don’t look at me like that… You may have been worse joor!
Hope I was able to put a smile on your face?
As you’re smiling… Hold on to this lesson “when you think its love… use your brain! It can be love by choice but it can never be love by your feelings.”
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Love is a choice and can stir up feelings! Feelings on its own is not love. Whether love, lust, crush, craze or whatever you choose to brand it, feeling is always involved.
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Smile again… Yea! You look beautiful in that smile.
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#GracefulGeorge

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