I have a friend whom a guy has asked her hand in marriage, but the guy later told her that he has two kids way back when he was in the village though he is not married to the kids mother. So this my friend told me that she has lost interest in the marriage issue according to her, she is sacred that the kids mother might come back to cause damages in her home if she eventually marry the guy.

She also told me that she has been praying over the marriage issue bt didn’t get any revelation that she’s tired of praying over it… What does she have to do? – Miss Chinenye (Nigeria)



Let’s name the man John, let’s name her village girlfriend Theresa and let’s name your friend Jessica.

John and Theresa committed the sin of sexual immorality and she conceived, getting married will not make them right in God’s eyes. Obviously, getting married will only set them up for marital failure. The Bible did not provide instructions concerning these circumstances, although both parents are still obligated to support the child emotionally, spiritually and financially.

Anyone who has made the mistake of having sex outside of marriage can be forgiven, even if the mistake results in an unplanned pregnancy. 1 John 1:9 says, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong.” This does not imply that God will wipe the consequences away, but they can be restored spiritually by confessing and repenting from their sins. This means believing in Jesus Christ and his finished work with total commitment to love and serve Christ.

The Bible says “except two agree, they cannot walk together”… If Chioma loves the man and want to spend her life with the man, they must reach a certain agreement that will be convenient for both of them. It is by this agreement that your friend should know if she should quit, she shouldn’t just quit because of assumptions and fear of the unknown.

People always make mistakes in life, we all made one mistake or another and nobody can really stand out to say that their mistakes are better than other people’s mistakes.

However, I understand Chioma`s  fears, I understand she doesn’t want to make mistakes but if John came up on his own to reveal this truth to her, she should reconsider. If she found out on her own, she should perhaps quit the relationship because there maybe so many other things about the man she doesn’t know which can destroy the marriage in future… And destroy her too.

Okay, let’s assume that the John told her. Since he did so on his own accord, he wants a marriage that is founded on transparency. What your friend should do is not to just quit the relationship but to really investigate and know how the woman he got pregnant and him settled. If they settled well, she shouldn’t be afraid of any problem in the future, if they never settled well, then she should prayerfully consider if she can bear the outcome of what she is about to enter into.

Like I said before, I understand her fears, I understand she doesn’t want to make a lifetime mistake because marriage is like a prison for life. But even in that, she must respect the fact that everyone once made terrible mistakes. She might have made mistakes too, she might have done things that people would never believe but if she forgives herself and moved on, she shouldn’t at this time not try to make the man feel guilty. If they love each other, they have to work it out together.

On a serious note: this is the most important… She must make sure the impregnated woman and the man settled well and made peace before committing herself to the man.

Thank you.


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