Is your male/female friend’s name Mr or Mrs X?
One of my female friends got married some 4 or 5 years ago. We were close to some degree. After her wedding, I stopped chatting her all the time, replying some of her chats and sms wasn’t usual anymore and I stopped calling her on phone. I virtually avoided her to some degree! She called and complained about it and I told her
“Is your husband aware that you are chatting me up? Is he aware that you are calling me? Can you take me to him and introduce me as your close friend?”
She was silent and I continued
“I know our friendship is innocent… All my friendships has been innocent after all but I really need you to understand that you now belong to your husband just as he belongs to you! It is a decision you took and you can’t back now! I would love to talk with you everyday but sometimes when I put myself in the shoe of your husband I discover I won’t be happy if my wife is seriously chatting, calling and even going out at times with a male friend.”
“So… You mean a married woman can’t have friends? Why have all my friends including the females deserted me?” She asked
“She can but marriage limits the freedom! Both on your side and your husband’s side. I don’t wanna be a distraction… You need to find a friend in your husband.” I concluded.
She believed me, changed her sim and minimized her activities with people on social media. She may be reading this post with a smile at the moment!
It is not a bad thing to be friends with married people, it is never a bad thing! Often times I ask my married friends about their marital lives and I learn from them! But I believe there are boundaries we don’t need to cross… It is unwise to hold hands with a married lady, it is unwise to look into her eyes and say things I should be saying only to someone am engaged to, it is even unwise to call or text them every morning and in the night to say good morning and good night!
Little things can become great emotions! It is not bad to have lunch in a fast food joint with anybody (married or unmarried)… The question is, is it really lunch? Everything we do with married friends of the opposite sex must have a high level of formality! “Informality” in such cases can be dangerous! Even Jesus said “what God has joined together, don’t be a distraction!”
As I communicated those words to my married female friend as regards this subject, it wasn’t so easy for me because we’ve been very good and she was really kinda missing her friends and the good times! I really do like her but I think it was necessary to avoid her, not because things will go wrong between us but because her husband ought to know her friends and how close she is to them! He may not tolerate it!
Later, I discovered this is a problem many young couples are facing! Most times, they find it hard to give up on some friendships and some even hesitate to give up on past sexual relationships… The reason is basically because they did not find a friend in their spouse! If it is so, there won’t be so much time to think about the good times of the past because the present is a “better time”. The imperfect is meant to give way to the perfect but when it doesn’t give way it means there is something wrong with the supposed “perfect”. It is often in loneliness resulting from neglect of marital duties that many walk out to seek solace in old friends which may include very bad friends.
These are often the root of infidelity in marriage! That is why you see married men and women still dating outside marriage and when you talk about it they say “we’re just friends”… If your spouse doesn’t know about it, then there is always a skeleton in the cupboard. Why getting married when you are not ready to give up somethings? In marriage, some of your rights were taken from you and they are no longer your right!
I am always disturbed when I see a married person with an opposite sex in some places and some positions… there may really be no string attached but if it continues that way, trust me, a string will attach itself!
“What you cannot do in the presence of your wife or husband with another person, don’t do it in his absence!”
I keep saying this, it is very important that you marry your friend except on cases you are sure God’s choice is clear. When friends marry friends, sex may get sore, romance may become archaic, faces may wrinkle in old age but friendship remains evergreen!
But just in case you were not opportune to marry a friend, find a friend in the one you are married to! Marriage is different from friendship, God arranges marriage for a purpose that friendship can’t fulfill but friendship is a factor in marriage, when it is missing, fidelity may be missing too!
Like I said earlier, it is not wrong to have friends who are married but it is not right to take the place of their husband in some areas! I don’t believe that fidelity is all about been sexually faithful! You must be faithful to confide in your husband, you must be faithful in being his or her companion and you must be faithful with your emotions! Those things are for your wife and your husband.
Don’t entertain attractions from all sides when you are married! Potiphar’s wife isn’t a devil, she may not really have been a cock-wicked woman who sleeps with male servants! Infact, Joseph might have been her first experience of infidelity! The problem she had was that she kept admiring Joseph instead of her husband, she kept piling deep affections for Joseph and she may have said “it is just a feeling” at first! Joseph helped her by running, if not, she may have done the worst! At least am sure she learn something after Joseph ran. The bible didn’t say she was caught in infidelity later on. The best people can do for their married friends is to run when issues of affections arise!
Couples must learn to become friends with one another! They should become intimate friends to a point that no other friendship can interfere in their union. I wish I could just pour out my feelings for young couples the way it is in my heart but I have to stop here… Think about it. It begins with knowing Jesus!
Have a great time… Enjoy your marriage… We are joining your club soon!