Question: Hello George, my friend proposed to me and I am preparing for JAMB examinations. He is an Ordinand in the Anglican Church and am only in my late teenage age. The question now is, is it good to be engaged now? Some say its not advisable since I could meet someone better.
From: (Name withheld by me for personal purpose) – Nigeria
Answer: First of all, its not a bad thing to desire to be married, its not a bad thing to desire to be someone’s wife and its not a bad thing to seek for wise counsel before you go into engagement. So, don’t feel somehow because you’re thinking about marriage at this time.
But one thing is dangerous! The thought of meeting someone better is deceptive! Many times we miss good things in life simply because we ignored the better option thinking there is another “best” on the way. So, never think of meeting someone better… Make the one you met better. Remember you’re not marrying him because he is better than others… You’re marrying him because you understand yourselves! Marriage is not a union of better people… It is a union of two imperfect persons who have agreed to manage their weaknesses together! On the issue of meeting a better person, don’t think about it again!
My concern however is not about meeting a better person… If you love him and he loves you, he is a better person! But my concern is your career! You need to check if you can still further your career and do what you want to do if you eventually become his wife! If becoming engaged to him will affect you furthering your education and become the woman of your dream… For now, don’t be engaged to him!
I have seen many promising ladies dump their career and education because of marriage… I have also seen ladies whose marriage brought them to a better place in life!
You also need to check if you’re mentally okay to spend the rest of your life with a man… By that I mean; you must be sure to be able to overlook every mistakes, every shortcomings and so on… You must learn to say you’re sorry even when not guilty! If you know you can do these things at this time… You’re mentally ready to be engaged for marriage.
There is a need for thoughtful patience and sincere prayer. Pray and ask God for direction but don’t force God into doing your will, rather let His will be done. If you need to further your education, ask him to wait… You can still be his friend. If he loves you, he will wait and with time, you can see if you’ll be able to live with him for a lifetime or not.
Remember, marriage is a lifetime event and not a short-time relationship.
Readers… Your inputs are welcome.
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